Lying here reading your comments on the blog and thinking how wonderful it is that you are able to send me such supportive notes from all over the world (especially from people I don`t know),and then realising it is a double-edged sword as my close family (i have two brothers and one sister) use it as a tool to communicate briefly and occasionally,so they do not have to visit.
Should i be grateful for any communication from them or is it right to be cynical?
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I reckon communiction is a great thing, no matter what guise it wears, and I think it's best enjoyed without any cynicism creeping in...
RépondreSupprimerAllow them the benefit of the doubt by assuming that they themselves enjoy emails as deeply as personal visits and so do not see the deficit in their behavior.
RépondreSupprimerPoint number two would be to clearly tell them what you feel. I don't think you should waste time beating around the bush. (Pretend you are not English. We are too understated sometimes).
Good Luck.
The fewer expectations you have, the less likely you are to be disappointed. Your feelings of hurt are absolutely understandable, but having them actually hurts only you. Doesn't change their behaviour. Here's something wise that I read a while back:
RépondreSupprimerDon't take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
-Don Miguel Ruiz
The more I thought about this, the more I realized that it is true. That doesn't make it easy to put into practice, but it has helped me at time when I was angry over something someone else did, and which affected me negatively.
It's a pity that your siblings don't visit you. It really, really is. I'm fairly certain that they will regret that. Here's something else that same guy wrote, which I wasn't going to copy, but will after all.
Don't make assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this, you can completely transform your life.
I know you've written to them. But have you asked questions? Or expressed what you really want?
This is all said with love, and a little wariness, because as always, I am conscious that I don't really know what it is like to be you.
xoxoDeb
Hi Caroline- I hear that you want your siblings to visit. I agree with English Rider-just ask them. Give them a couple of dates. Tell them what it would mean to you. It is your responsibility to ask for what you want. Then if you want inner peace you will have to let it go & release them from having to do anything.
RépondreSupprimerIt's snowing & blowing up a gale here in Calgary.
xo Maggie
They all have given you good advice...just let it be known what you would like, Caroline.
RépondreSupprimer♥...Wanda
thanks for your advice once again,but i have mailed them ,written to them and even when i was physically able to,more than ayear ago,i visited them and told them quite clearly what i felt they could do if they wanted to support me in this ordeal..,but it does not fit in with their lifestyle.they much prefer Barbados to paris.itry to build some body armour aroun d myself for protection,but it gets holes now and again......
RépondreSupprimer"Bummer" I guess plan B is to accept that every family has its A-holes and you know which ones are yours.
RépondreSupprimer:(
Well said English Rider! I suspect your relatives may be intimidated by you Caroline. You really carry your illness with incredible strength and fortitude. You are able to express yourself and tell us your story with graciousness and a sense of humour - only healthy self pity from you! You keep making meals for your family and obviously adore your children. I doubt many of us could live to your standards and rather doubt your siblings can get near it. Seems to me you would find a way to be visiting them if the roles were reversed. Their loss. take care ...
RépondreSupprimerI am in the process of moving so can't stop by as often as I would like to.