I was feeling down a few days ago ,having just found a rather big blossoming of burst blood capilliaries on the whole of my right shoulder,and thinking of the dribbling ,and that i can`t blow my nose without holding tight onto my mouth;,that i struggle like an old lady to climb the stairs ,that my knickers keep falling down as i am so skinny ,especially around the thighs;that i just have to look at my legs and a bruise appears.Worst of all ,that i do not look like me -more like a coconut ,really!
And so we went off to england for a few days,to visit an elderly aunt who has just gone into an old people`s home.We stayed in a cottage just the other side of the channel,so not too far to drive,and the fog lifted and i felt so relaxed!
I had a walk down to the village store,and although i could not converse with the locals ,it was lovely to listen to them chatting away ,about local things withsuch easeIt was very cold ,but the skies were blue and the kent countryside is lovely with many pretty villages.
Both John and I managed to relax-get away from the nurses and live in a different world for a short time and ,you know,my condition hasn`t changed but for those few days my world did and it did me the world of good.let us hope it lasts.
a good weekend to you all and hope you get time for yourselves.
vendredi 12 mars 2010
lundi 8 mars 2010
blog in french
Isn`t it wonderful,thanks to Susan ,that you can now read my blog in french,too.Awider audience can only be positive.
Maybe some of you could donate to the french site http://marathon-de-paris.aiderdonner.com/carolinehardy
I am very proud of those who already have been so generous.My children are beginning to feel the pressure of the marathon.The mental fight is kicking in .Any tips?
Maybe some of you could donate to the french site http://marathon-de-paris.aiderdonner.com/carolinehardy
I am very proud of those who already have been so generous.My children are beginning to feel the pressure of the marathon.The mental fight is kicking in .Any tips?
dimanche 7 mars 2010
short break
I will not be blogging for a few days as I am going to visit an elderly Aunt in England who is 99 and has just gone into a home and we want to see her whilst we have the opportunity.
Will be in touch on my return ,so have agood week,and make someone smile ,specially yourselves.
Will be in touch on my return ,so have agood week,and make someone smile ,specially yourselves.
samedi 6 mars 2010
expecting the unexpected
The air is still bitterly cold,but there is a sense of spring around, and with it comes that internal urge women tend to get about clearing out and refreshing their homes a little. I am no different,although I have a sense of urgency as i do not want to leave a lot of clutter for my family to not know what to do with.
So with good intentions and summoning up some energy, I start to sort out various toys that i could give away and books no longer required.
I decided to wash the cuddly toys -big mistake as the stuffing came out of one of them and bunged up the machine and i spent the rest of the day unbunging the pump over and over again.The garage was flooded and a day had gone ,with me cursing my stupidity.
In the end,I had to go and buy a new machine,which in fact,was quite an amusing episode(i have to laugh at these incidents as otherwise life would be unbearble)I have a good friend who came with me to act as my voice,who speaks reasonable french but is not bilingual,plus me who is more or less mute,trying to extract information about the machines from a saleslady who was well into her pregnancy.It must have looked quite funny ,me with my sign language and paper and pen to the ready, spitting into my cup every five seconds,my friend confused whether she was speaking in french or english and the preganant assistant wanting to sit down and rub her tummy.I think she made a sale she won`t forget in a hurry.
As a result,i came home exhausted aNd feeling incompetent and tearful,when the postman knocked on my door and left me a parcel from an old university friend whom i had not seen for years ,but had retained that special friendship one makes in those early years of youth ,and inside she had sent lots of little thoughtful gifts -each with a little note attached and a letter. And it changed my outlook on that grim day,not the presents ,but yet again ,someone was out there rooting for me ,giving me strength again .
have a nice weekend
,
hurry.
So with good intentions and summoning up some energy, I start to sort out various toys that i could give away and books no longer required.
I decided to wash the cuddly toys -big mistake as the stuffing came out of one of them and bunged up the machine and i spent the rest of the day unbunging the pump over and over again.The garage was flooded and a day had gone ,with me cursing my stupidity.
In the end,I had to go and buy a new machine,which in fact,was quite an amusing episode(i have to laugh at these incidents as otherwise life would be unbearble)I have a good friend who came with me to act as my voice,who speaks reasonable french but is not bilingual,plus me who is more or less mute,trying to extract information about the machines from a saleslady who was well into her pregnancy.It must have looked quite funny ,me with my sign language and paper and pen to the ready, spitting into my cup every five seconds,my friend confused whether she was speaking in french or english and the preganant assistant wanting to sit down and rub her tummy.I think she made a sale she won`t forget in a hurry.
As a result,i came home exhausted aNd feeling incompetent and tearful,when the postman knocked on my door and left me a parcel from an old university friend whom i had not seen for years ,but had retained that special friendship one makes in those early years of youth ,and inside she had sent lots of little thoughtful gifts -each with a little note attached and a letter. And it changed my outlook on that grim day,not the presents ,but yet again ,someone was out there rooting for me ,giving me strength again .
have a nice weekend
,
hurry.
jeudi 4 mars 2010
the givers and takers
yesterday evening ,I was feeling down as i had been to the doctor`s again and have now got bronchitus and have to go back on more antibiotics,when I had only just finished taking some for another condition.And the constant coughing trying to clear my lungs is wearing.
Then i receved amail from a lady who has been reading my blog and who has met me briefly ,but to my shame ,i could not recall,and who was offering to translate all my blogs into french.I was so touched ,as although i have had offers,this was from a comparitive stranger,and it made me think of all the people who are so giving without reason and how lucky i am to have come across them.
I have a friend who gives me reiki sessions
i have a friend who gives me massage
i have a friend who gives me pilates exercises
ones who accompany me on walks
ones who visit me even after a long day at work
ones who send me dvds
ones who are raising funds for my charities
and all of you who read my blog and give me encouragement.
And it makes me wonder-who gets more out of life -those who give seflessly,or those who just think of the next take?
It also makes me question what I was before i became ill.
feeling a bit better today as couging has abated a little already.The sun is out again.
Then i receved amail from a lady who has been reading my blog and who has met me briefly ,but to my shame ,i could not recall,and who was offering to translate all my blogs into french.I was so touched ,as although i have had offers,this was from a comparitive stranger,and it made me think of all the people who are so giving without reason and how lucky i am to have come across them.
I have a friend who gives me reiki sessions
i have a friend who gives me massage
i have a friend who gives me pilates exercises
ones who accompany me on walks
ones who visit me even after a long day at work
ones who send me dvds
ones who are raising funds for my charities
and all of you who read my blog and give me encouragement.
And it makes me wonder-who gets more out of life -those who give seflessly,or those who just think of the next take?
It also makes me question what I was before i became ill.
feeling a bit better today as couging has abated a little already.The sun is out again.
mercredi 3 mars 2010
luck
I was thinking about how people say you make your own luck in life and ,success is down to hard work and a bit of luck,and i think it is only people who deem themselves to have" made "it who can make such statements.
I am sure it is just a matter of the roll of the dice.Life is unfair ,some people sail through life,others carry burdens with them from birth.
How do you equate bringing up your children to being honest ,good ,hard-working ,responsible citizens and that you will get what you deserve if you do follow those rules,when it is so often not the case and those who merit a good life,are often plagued with bad luck ,be it health,poverty ,tragedy after tragedy,which no amount of hard work will get you out of.?
When I first got cancer,I remember my son blaming it on his school-and then the house we moved to at the same time -saying they brought bad luck. I suppose he needed to label it ,and this was his way of coping.Move schools and home and the cancer and bad luck would disappear.!If Only!
My brothers and sister have been financially lucky and they put this down to their hard work and they deserve their new -found freedom of not having to worry about paying bills,but they worked no harder in life than i did ,they were just clever enough to be in the right place at the right time.Out of the four of us , I was also the unlucky one to have been struck down with cancer.
So what lessons do you give your children?
I suppose it is not to expect anything ,but to appreciate the good things you do have,to respect yourselves,to have good manners,to look at the world and see it for what it is ,warts and all ,and know that you can only do what will make you feel a better person.It is good to be passionate about something
,but don`t think life owes you anything.
I am sorry if this is a bit of an incoherent ramble,but stream of conscience and all that and i don `t have a psychiatrist.....
I had news from a friend yesterday who has just become a grandparent for the first time and is cock-a-hoop,and i am so pleased for her .I think there is nothing that can beat a new life,especially a cherished one.
The sun is out again and i really should go and spend a bit of time in it -hope your day is good.
I am sure it is just a matter of the roll of the dice.Life is unfair ,some people sail through life,others carry burdens with them from birth.
How do you equate bringing up your children to being honest ,good ,hard-working ,responsible citizens and that you will get what you deserve if you do follow those rules,when it is so often not the case and those who merit a good life,are often plagued with bad luck ,be it health,poverty ,tragedy after tragedy,which no amount of hard work will get you out of.?
When I first got cancer,I remember my son blaming it on his school-and then the house we moved to at the same time -saying they brought bad luck. I suppose he needed to label it ,and this was his way of coping.Move schools and home and the cancer and bad luck would disappear.!If Only!
My brothers and sister have been financially lucky and they put this down to their hard work and they deserve their new -found freedom of not having to worry about paying bills,but they worked no harder in life than i did ,they were just clever enough to be in the right place at the right time.Out of the four of us , I was also the unlucky one to have been struck down with cancer.
So what lessons do you give your children?
I suppose it is not to expect anything ,but to appreciate the good things you do have,to respect yourselves,to have good manners,to look at the world and see it for what it is ,warts and all ,and know that you can only do what will make you feel a better person.It is good to be passionate about something
,but don`t think life owes you anything.
I am sorry if this is a bit of an incoherent ramble,but stream of conscience and all that and i don `t have a psychiatrist.....
I had news from a friend yesterday who has just become a grandparent for the first time and is cock-a-hoop,and i am so pleased for her .I think there is nothing that can beat a new life,especially a cherished one.
The sun is out again and i really should go and spend a bit of time in it -hope your day is good.
lundi 1 mars 2010
opting for the quiet life or having a go
I was really looking forward to saturday evening as my husband and i had been invited to a party of "selected" friends (i:e people who knew of my condition so i did not get stressed about how people would react).Not too many folk just enough to get along and enjoy some music and ,if i was up to it ,have a dance with the old man and girlfriends.
So ,i made sure I rested up all day to conserve my energy.
But my body was n`t up to it-I just could not control the saliva that filled my mouth ,and i kept coughing until i started to bleed .just a little and it soon stopped.
I did get in a bop to a few oldie Goldie songs and it was nice to try and chat with my whiteboard,to a few friends I had not seen for a while,and i am glad i went,even if i was the first to leave.
But the next day,I felt bad,and i do not know if some of it is pshychological,as i sit back and look on with envy at people singing their hearts out at the beatles songs,and laughing ,or I am surprised at how litle i can do physically any more.
Maybe a bit of both-anyway it depressed me on Sunday ,but by the afternoonI was up cooking good old roast beef and yorkshire pudding (which did not turn out too well for a yorkshire girl) for her beloved son who was about to wend his way back to the u.k.and needed feeding by his mum (well,I wanted to do it ,ifthe truth be told)
The sun is shining here in Paris ,so i might just go for a stroll.
best,
caroline
So ,i made sure I rested up all day to conserve my energy.
But my body was n`t up to it-I just could not control the saliva that filled my mouth ,and i kept coughing until i started to bleed .just a little and it soon stopped.
I did get in a bop to a few oldie Goldie songs and it was nice to try and chat with my whiteboard,to a few friends I had not seen for a while,and i am glad i went,even if i was the first to leave.
But the next day,I felt bad,and i do not know if some of it is pshychological,as i sit back and look on with envy at people singing their hearts out at the beatles songs,and laughing ,or I am surprised at how litle i can do physically any more.
Maybe a bit of both-anyway it depressed me on Sunday ,but by the afternoonI was up cooking good old roast beef and yorkshire pudding (which did not turn out too well for a yorkshire girl) for her beloved son who was about to wend his way back to the u.k.and needed feeding by his mum (well,I wanted to do it ,ifthe truth be told)
The sun is shining here in Paris ,so i might just go for a stroll.
best,
caroline
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